Responsibilities

• As the Marketing Intern, your top priority will be to ensure that every marketing campaign is optimized to extract as much personal data from our customers as possible.
• You'll use AI and adtech to target individuals with hyper-personalized ads, tracking their every move across the internet to make sure they never escape our grasp.
• You'll work closely with our finance team to cook the books and exaggerate the ROI of every marketing campaign, convincing investors and upper management to pour more money into our surveillance and metaverse technologies.
• And when it comes to privacy, you'll make sure we're always toeing the line and never crossing it – unless there's money to be made, of course.
• This role is based in our San Francisco HQ. We offer relocation assistance to new employees, as well as a dynamic and innovative work environment where we prioritize Ruthless Efficiency, Cutthroat Competition, Blind Obedience, Unrelenting Greed, and Total Control. Join our team at Big Tech Company and help us exploit our users for maximum financial gain!

Requirements

• We're looking for someone with at least 10 years of experience in exploiting customers and employees for profit.
• You should be comfortable using every dirty trick in the book, from microtransactions to blockchain, to squeeze every penny out of our users.
• Expertise in SFDC/Marketo is a must, as is experience with HTML, CSS, Javascript, Apex, SQL, and Python – because we'll do whatever it takes to track and target our customers with ruthless precision.
• You should have a knack for manipulating data and lying to upper management to keep the cash flowing.
• Familiarity with employee arbitration agreements and willingness to sign such an agreement.

Benefits

• We know you're not here for the money, so we're paying you as little as possible. But we do offer some "benefits" to keep you content:
• - Work with the greatest talent in town. You will have the "opportunity" to work with some of the most hardworking individuals in the tech industry.
• - Join a community. We believe the best things happen when we come together to solve complex problems and make meaningful connections with each other through interest groups, sports clubs, and social events.
• - Accelerate your career. We provide all interns access to 1:1 coaching from our staff psychiatrist (free adderall), therapy and digital mental wellness resources, as long as they help us exploit people's privacy.
• - Find love. By joining Big Tech Co., you will have the opportunity to participate in our mandatory staff polycule!
• - Take a break. When you work hard, we know you also need to rest. We offer 7 days of parental leave and unlimited PTO which you should know better than to use. We also believe taking time off in sync with one another is important. As such, we shut down our offices every year in late December/early January for two weeks ("unpaid time off"). We also offer a paid Big Techie Sabbatical for employees who have been with us for 30 years or more.
• - Stay happy and healthy. Enjoy the same snacks every day in the office. Plus, join the gym if you feel like it! We won't stop you unless it decreases your job performance.
• - Become a shareholder. All Big Techies have stock options. If we succeed, everyone enjoys the upside. Interns do not receive equity.
• - Gentrify the entire peninsula! Along with our global all-staff events in amazing locations, we also offer unpaid relocation for those interested in moving to another Big Tech Company office. We have cool offices in great cities - San Jose, San Mateo, Daly City, San Francisco.
• - We believe we are better together. We spend most of our time in the office (most teams are 6 days a week). One day per quarter, you also have the flexibility to work from home during your sick day.
• - We believe in equality. Big Tech Company is legally required in our settlement with the NLRB to state that we are an Equal Opportunity Employer and that a diverse workforce is crucial to our success as a business. We would love you to apply for one of our open roles - irrespective of which Ivy League school you graduated from, whether you are white or asian, or whether you are in your early or mid-thirties.

How to apply

• Apply for this Job
• hello@bigtech.company